John’s last letter

                           “The end is how it begins”

“Hey, do you ever wonder about the big questions of life?, I asked Jenny. She looked at me puzzled and said “Are you always this messed up? or only today!” and we both broke into laughter. I laughed because she did, I didn’t quite understand what was so funny about it nevertheless I acquiesced. May be it was the last rays of setting sun that made me happy, or perhaps I was in love with this girl as my friends would have me believe. I couldn’t be sure, I never understood emotions generally,but i had laughed. Unintentionally, and unreasonably I had laughed. I started thinking about the “why” part of the question,but was disturbed by Jenny’s immediate pat on my shoulder , she looked into my eyes and said “don’t start thinking again John!”, I smiled this time and allowed myself to get drifted into trivial talks of our lives, about the hurtful past and hopeful future, about dreams and wishes, about fairies and Satan.It was our first date, we had spoken with each other only through messages until now or had only met with others along. This was the first time, I was with her, alone. And it felt strange, I was happy, I liked her presence.Just that , It was really strange.The next time I asked her this question was almost a year later. We were on a holiday to Goa, supposedly in love with each other. She was sure it was love, I trusted her understanding of emotions by now, I just felt happy in her presence, It still was strange. But i had long stopped giving that a thought. “So, do you ever think, what is the purpose of our lives?”, I asked. She replied without any hesitation, ” its to be happy!. Very, Very happy!”.  I asked her again, if she was sure. She said again, unhesitatingly that for her, the only purpose of life is to be Happy!. “I will remember that”, I said to her. ” I know you will John, I know you will” came her reply.

“What is a purpose?”, I had thought while i typed the same into the google search bar. I was only twelve-year-old then, half the age I am now. But twelve years since, I am still searching for ‘my purpose’ of my life and here she is , so confidently telling me her purpose of life!. Is there something wrong with me?, I wondered once again gazing into the endless sea. A question i had gotten far too used to asking myself over the years. The search bar took its time to respond, internet was rare and thus slow back then. And after a few seconds, the answer had appeared,It said “Purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists”.I will remember that, said the twelve-year me.”I know you will John, I know you will” resonated through the air.

I rang the bell. She opened the door with much anticipation. I brought her a cake, and she was glad. we cut the cake, she kissed me and then we drove to the beach resort, as we entered the hall, all her friends started appearing one after another from the faraway door, each new entrant making Jenny more happy than earlier. She greeted them all and then they danced and sang and drank while I sat in the nearest table watching them all so joyous and happy, at least that’s what they projected.She saw me staring aimlessly I guess, she came towards me, hugged me and told me this is the happiest day of her life, She loves me. “Are you sure?”, I asked. “Of course, I Love you!.”, said she. “I was asking about, the happiest day of your life part, not the Love one”. “Yes it is the happiest day of my life by a mile!”, said jenny glowingly coming even closer.

“And I killed her.I stabbed her with the cake knife the next moment.It still had chocolate stuck to it. She screamed, It alerted her friends and the Hotel authorities, that is how I got arrested.And here I am now before you My Lord, explaining my reasons for my act”,I stated. I thought he understood my reasons after all. He nodded his head in approval I reckoned but could as well have been in disbelief.The judge spoke with an authoritative tone and said ” I don’t understand Mr.John, Could you please elaborate again what your reasons were?”. I re-enacted his expressions of disbelief, I could not understand how he couldn’t see my reasons!. How despite it being so obvious, the whole world was being blinded to it.How can they not see, did they not hear what i had just narrated. All these thoughts were running in my head when i heard the harsh tapping of the Judge’s hammer bringing the murmur to silence, both that of the court room and of my mind. He looked at me angrily and said “Will you speak up now, I don’t have all day to spare”.

“Do you remember google’s definition of purpose that i stated a while ago sir?.Reason for which something exists.What does that mean?.That means a purpose has an end. We say the purpose of this meeting is to select a chairman, and only after the selection, is the meeting considered completed and the purpose fulfilled, isn’t it?.So, once the purpose is fulfilled the meeting ends.Let me take this trial for example sir, what is the purpose of this trial?and when is that purpose fulfilled?.The purpose is to punish the culprit and it will be fullfilled on passing of the sentence by you.And with that the trial would end.Now in same way do you remember what was Jenny’s purpose of life? and when it would get fulfilled?She existed for happiness she said, she was the happiest that day she said, I hope you understand now. Please remember that sir,every purpose defined could be fulfilled and thus meets its end, thus when anyone describes what their lives purpose is, It means they will die after it is attained, Remember that sir”, I said. “I will remember it John, Forever”

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